My Pathetic Complaining (you've been warned)

     It has finally happened.

     Yesterday, I went to the grocery store with my kids, who were all clean, dressed cute, etc, while I wore sweatpants, a hood-less sweatshirt with a logo from Husband's last job on it, my hair in a ponytail, and no makeup.  I am now that mom.  The one who has gained twenty pounds since her last baby and can't get rid of it, so she just wears sweatpants to cover the shame of being a fertile woman. 

     It got this distinct feeling leaving the house.  I just did not care, but I cared that I didn't care.  I didn't care what the people at Wal Mart thought of me gosh darn it!  All I wanted was to be comfortable because I was exhausted and I knew this trip to the store was going to make me even more exhausted.  A preschooler and a toddler, I have decided, are the worst ages for public outings.  The. Worst.  

     Sweat pants just seem like the natural mom-item of clothing.  Anything else that a mom wears is just foreign.  How do you wear skinny jeans when your toddler is screaming on the floor and you have to bend over, or get on your knees, or drag him while he kicks and screams at you?  How do you wear a low cut shirt when children naturally stick their hands in there and yank it down?  How do you wear jewelry or  do your hair, when everything gets pulled and tousled and ripped out?  No.  I have discovered some serious benefits to frumpy-ness.  Fashion, come find me on their eighteenth birthdays!

      It doesn't help that I am not a slight female to begin with.  I tower over you at 5'11'' and you know what?  They don't make clothes for a woman that tall.  They just don't.  That's my recent discovery.  They make clothes for real giants, who are 6'4''; that's what you find at the "tall woman" stores.  They also make clothes for average and petite people in just about every store in the universe.  But people who are 5'11'' are stuck in this weird middle ground where average people clothes are just ever so slightly off, and "tall woman" clothes are just a bit too big, and so nothing looks right on them ever, and Clint and Stacy from What Not To Wear say to go to the tailor's, and there's hardly money to buy the clothes themselves, much less get them tailored, and its just easier to wear men's sweatpants than go through all that trouble.

     My little petite friends take me shopping, sure that they can prove me wrong.  They'll find something that will fit me!  I grab a size that makes them practically faint with how large it is, try it on, and watch their faces contort as they see how ill-fitting it is.  Shirt dresses end up looking like regular shirts after a few washes, pants are either too short, or too wide, or too tight, or all three in all the wrong places.  The clothing section has disillusioned me in so many ways at this point in my life.  At least I have something to sustain me.



what i wish to wear today

Portugese Man of War = Inspiration



Ralph Macchio

     While watching Dancing With the Stars on Monday, I was shocked to learn that the "Karate Kid" is now 49.  Not shocked because I loved the movie (or ever even SAW it) but because he looks like a baby penguin.  Or a baby human.  Take your pick.  Either way, I would have pegged him at about 29 if someone asked me.  Does he know where the tree of life is or something?
     I managed to find some age-appropriate-looking pics.  Still, its kind of eerie.  (I think the right haircut goes a long way on him.)


Husband's Birthday Scavenger Hunt

     This year for Husband's birthday, I wrote 26 (because he was turning 26, get it?) scavenger hunt clues for him to find his birthday present.  While I was writing the first one, my brain was like, hey, you should make them all rhyme!  Silly brain.  Of course, this meant that it would take me about eleven years longer to accomplish the task, but I attacked it with vigor.  And since I spent so much time writing them, I figured that they should be remembered forever in the Land of Blogs, so here they are.  (I've added descriptions where necessary.)

1.  Happy Birthday!  It's truly meant
     26 Clues lead to your present!
     Go look somewhere nice and cold
     Where hopefully you'll find no mold.  (Fridge.  I ended up putting this clue on the door of the fridge, because there was also a clue in the freezer, and I just knew that if he found the freezer clue, he would skip all the previous clues and therefore lose out on reading each flavor of my awesome poetical genius.)

2.  Where Lucy claps her hands and smiles,
     Cuz she can watch her shows awhile.   (TV.  Lucy = female offspring.)

3.  Pics nearly six years ago
     Show our newly married glow  (At this point, Husband knocked on the bedroom door and said he was stuck because he didn't know where our wedding pictures were.  I just assumed that he wakes up most nights around 4:30am to secretly gaze fondly down at them and cry about how lucky he is.  What a rude wake up call for me.)

4.  This is where I spend my time
     Typing things, reading online (Sad for me.)

5.  Balloons were laying 'round the floor
     "Happy 2nd Birthday Dino-Sawyer!" (The sign from Sawyer's (male offspring) Dinosaur Train birthday party is still hanging in the kitchen.)

6.  This tries to keep the kiddos out
     But doesn't work cuz Sawyer's stout  (The gate that we bought two years ago is now officially broken because a two year old man likes to barrel through it as if he were a bull and it was a china shop.)
7.  You put this in your cereal
     And in your coffee cup as well (Can you guess the ones I don't comment on?)

8.  Hot in the evening and at noon
     It's where we'll cook our dinner soon

9.  This is where the pizzas are
     Don't worry, love, it's not too far

10.  Loaf of bread, cream of wheat
       Llama, llama wants his treat!  (Ok, so this is where I started getting frustrated with the rhyming and used a children's book rhyme to give myself some forward motion.  This clue was on the loaf of bread.)

11.  This will let us go outside
       Once the stupid snow has dried

12.  Babies playing in their bath
       Splash and giggle, pour and laugh  (See how I didn't even try to disguise that one?  I was getting tired.)

13.  Sawyer learned a word that's new
       For things in vases, and dirt, too!

14.  When Lucy's naughty (quite a lot)
       She goes into her time out spot (When I was placing these, I realized that this clue was pretty much right out in the open and next to like five other clues, so maybe this hunt would take about eighteen seconds, even though it took my an hour to put together, but by then it was too late!)

15.  Here I might sew, or make a dress
       Right now its mostly just a mess

16.  Sawyer has the sweetest cheeks
       Can you see them?  Just to peek?  (Ok, so in my son's room there is a window that looks out into the hallway, because I think his room was supposed to be an office, but now it's his room.  Anyway, when I was typing this I was thinking, this kind of looks like I left a piece of paper on my son's face, or maybe even in his diaper, and that is not the case.  It was on the windowsill.)

17.  Coats and mittens, heels and boots
       Games and other unknown loot

18.  Newer than records, older than CDs
       When it plays, the babies are pleased  (Ok, this one is just embarrassingly bad.  We don't have that big a house and I needed 26 hiding places you guys!  It was a lot, and I think I rewrote this one a billion times until it ended up the way you see it today.  Awful.)

19.  If I wasn't scared or if you'd care
       We'd probably burn a fire there

20.  The babies play with bulbs of light
       Til our bright day turns into night   (We do not actually let our children play with light bulbs.  I know you are all quite relieved now.  What I was referring to is a chandelier that we have which has a dimmer switch.  The babies love to play with it, and the light bulbs are constantly burning out because of their childlike wonder.)

21.  Underneath our welcome mat for this whole time a clue has sat
       (It's probably been laughing at you; it's kind of a mischievous clue) (This was my favorite one, by far.  But I just discovered that I spell "mischievous" wrong.  Mischevious is incorrect.  Yay!)

22.  Today I had to clean up slop
       I did it with our handy mop  (This is in reference to when I was in the shower and Sawyer got past the aforementioned gate into the refrigerator and spilled hazelnut coffee creamer all over the floor, a couch cushion, and himself, thus the need for the bath-time also mentioned above.  These clues are really more a testament to my day than anything else.)

23.  There's something for you on the chair
       (The one that sometimes twirls a bear)  (Reading these back is so enlightening.  I ended up not putting this clue on the "twirly" chair, but on a rocking chair that used to be in Sawyer (nickname: Bear)'s room.  There was laundry all over the other chair which I meant to clean up before he got home, but didn't.  Oops!  Looks like Husband outsmarted me and found the clue anyway.  He's a fighter.)

24.  Your birthday's marked with an elephant
       (You're really close to your present)  (There's an elephant on our calendar for the month of March.  He's pretty.)

25.  It's where I play and sing for you
       (the next one is your final clue)

26.  Where did I go?  Where could I be?
       Stop playing games and come find me!  (This was another favorite line because there's nothing like forcing someone through the inane ritual of an everlasting scavenger hunt, only to berate them for their participation and tell them to just come find you for their prize at the end.  What can I say?  I'm just like that.)

     So, I hope you all enjoyed my birthday masterpiece.  Of course, if anyone is looking for something to fill some time on a loved one's birthday, feel free to use it!  (You may have to change just a few things...)


what i wish to wear today

Egyptian fashion on the brain:


Vultures were used as symbols of maternity and fertility in ancient Egypt.

The "Ankh", a symbol for eternal life.  Interesting how close in resemblance it is to the Christian cross of the same meaning.

The sun setting and rising on the horizon was also big fashion in headdresses.

Adam Scott

He is just my new favoritest actor.  Watch Party Down on Netflix and then watch Parks and Recreation on Hulu, and then watch everything he's ever been in.  He has "shy sweetness with a dash of sarcasm" down to a tee.  <3


the black pearl

A black pearl wedding ring.  Sigh.  I definitely want one of these.  I have a pretty wedding ring that Husband and I picked out when I was eighteen seventeen!  So this "want" is probably 3 parts selfish and 1 part growing up. 
Pearls are my birthstone and I've always kind of hated them, to be honest.  But I stumbled upon these black pearl engagement and wedding rings and I feel like I've never seen anything more unique or stunning.  Plus, I can hear Captain Jack Sparrow saying "Black Pearl" every time I look at them, which is a huge bonus.  The Greeks believed that pearls would promote marital bliss if worn, and even that they could keep newlywed brides from  crying.  Here are some more myths about pearls:
Cultured or freshwater pearls are considered to offer the power of love, money, protection, and luck. Pearls are thought to give wisdom through experience, to quicken the laws of karma and to cement engagements and love relationships. They are thought to keep children safe.
Early Chinese myths told of pearls falling from the sky when dragons fought. Ancient legend says that pearls were thought to be the tears of the gods.


where i spend my time

This might be the best website in the universe.  Hilarious recaps of all your favorite shows!  It's like watching tv with your best friendies and making fun of everything together.  Deep love.


what i wish to wear today

Near Alavus, Finland, there are rumors going around that an angel was standing near a certain country road for half an hour, while people stopped their cars and just stared at it.    Oh, and it had "the harvest is white" written on its' right wing.  These things are rarely provable if true, but either way, it made me want to dress angelically.  I'm quite impressed with myself for finding a cloud purse that doesn't look like its for a fourth grader.   Or maybe it does.  Jury's still out.



         Yay!  Researchers are finding ways to use the entire fruit from the coffee bush and not just the bean.  The antioxidants and nutrients are preserved in drinks like Sozo and also a powder.  Mmm, antioxidants.